Well last nights bed time was unsucessfull yet again. Aimee went to bed ok but was up at 1am in my room again..poor scott once again went in Aimee's bed :S it seems like we never get a full night to sleep in the same bed together. Poppy has gotten to the age where she knows everything, i know nothing, she constantly hates me etc...a proper kevin :S. i think she is on the verge of puperty and her hormomes are sky rocketing. Me and poppy are like carbon copies of each other...she looks like me, has my personality and temper unfortunatly. we clash big time and i am so scared that we will be destined to fall out and not get on for ever more. Some of it is my fault, my paitience level is non existant...i really need to be more empathetic to wards my kids :s because i was left to it growing up i am doing it to my kids and that is not right!!!! I am also a do it later sort of girl...which when you have 5 people in the house is not the attitude to have....my washing is ridiculous and i am struggling to catch up...i have days when i blitz and go mad and then i have days when i just don't do anything. I suffer from depression and i don't think that helps much, i also have mild ocd issues with things:S I am 50 shades of screwed up just without the bondage :P. i make a point of tellinjg my girls and scott everyday that i love them..i never had this growing up and i think it makes a difference.
Poppy is my 11yr old ..my little madam :) she has had a few issues in the past with bullying...which included glue in her hair, cuts on her face etc not nice stuff...thankfully it doesn't go on anymore but the damage is done. She has very low self esteem and is very nervous, she cries at the drop of a hat and takes everything to heart. We saw consultants last year as we worried that she was always ill :S we found out that she has small panick attacks and suffers from anxiety. She is slowly getting better and i am glad to see she has some fire in her again ( although the arguing is tiring)
Holly 8yrs is a little miss attitude...far too pretty and clever for her own good hehe.....she has a new boyfriend every 2 days !!!! she is doing great but has a really bad jelousy issue. There are 5yrs between Aimee and Holly and Holly hasn't ajusted well at all, she was so used to being the baby in the family that when Aimee came along i guess she lost her place for a bit...she is slowly starting to find it again but it is a longggg road :S we really tried to not have the middle child syndrome thing happen.
Aimee is doing amazing...considering the changes on her brain and her issues she is is amazing. She has the behaviour problems but hopefully as she gets older we can help her controll it :)
she is very much a mummy's girl!
When i look around me at the girls i do think .."am i giving them all enough attention.." honestly i don't think i am. i sit here almost in tears typing that and admitting it to myself for the first time! I really need to spend 1 on 1 time with poppy and holly...we need that time together and i am realising it now...it will get better and we will be fine :).....
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