Long time!!

I t has been a long time since i have written on this blog.  so much has been going on!!

Poppy my oldest has settled in amazingly at secondary school, and i have learnt to let go.  It was hard but i am slowly getting better at not needing her to ring me every time she gets to and leaves school!!

Holly has settled into year 4 and is a sports mentor at school.  very proud of her.

The biggest change has been Aimee :) our wonky donkey is settling into nursery amazingly.. We have had a few wobbles but she is learning to play nicely with others.  I do worry that i don't want her to be the child that everyone else doesn't want their child to play with.  Aimee doesn't have boundaries or space awareness where others are concerned.  She will happily evade others space but can have a major meltdown if anyone evades hers.  I got upset a week ago when the other kids were deliberately avoiding her, but the teacher said that when they are in class they all play fine.  I know she can be difficult and can get aggressive but i just don't want her to have to fight everything in her life.  She fought to be here and she will have to fight hemi the rest of her life.

Aimee in her tutu that i made her

Holly in a cowl that i made

Poppy in her snoody :) i made

from one chapter to the next

Sometimes lifes events smack you right between the eyes and leave you saying to yourself..how did i get here ?!  One minute i was waiting eagerly for 9mths for my baby to make an appearance and then suddenly i am attending a leavers assembly as she waves goodby to primary school.

My oldest daughter Poppy is who i am referring to in the above sentence.  We had the leavers assembly on Friday and i can honestly say it was a very emotional event for me and her!!

I can still remember the day we found out i was pregnant and all the excitement and fear that entailed....will i be a good mum...will i cope.....what if the baby doesn't like me?...then d day and an emergency Cesarian and little Poppy was here.  The moment that will stick with me forever though is when i was wheeled into the recovery room and saw Scott sitting in a chair holding her just staring at her...he had such a look of love and dis-belief on his face..it was a very touching and awe inspiring moment.....  then i blink ( it feels like ) and there is a gorgeous young woman standing in front me waiting to start the new chapter in her life that is secondary school.  My baby has grown up!!  Where did that time go..11yrs have passed by so quickly.  I look at her and see a girl that has grown into someone that I couldn't be prouder of.  She is loving, kind and full of fun.  I use to worry about secondry school and "how will my girls cope?" When I look at Poppy I am no longer worried she has blossomed so much and her confidence has really grown aswell.

She won a main award aswell "contribution to the school community" she was chosen out of all the yr 6 pupils.  She was so happy and i was so proud.

I really don't like the thought of my little girl growing up...I have come to terms with the fact that it is going to happen no matter what i do and all i can do is be there and be her mum and friend when she needs me.  One chapter of her life has closed and I am very much looking forward to sharing this next amazing chapter and all that it brings...highs and lows I will be there and we will get through it all as a family.

Aimee's newly decorated bedroom :) she was in with her older sister but has gone into her own room as she was a pain in the bum...I am hoping this will encourage better sleeping...I am still waiting :s ..she loves minnie mouse so i used that and turned it into Aimee's bowtique...with minnie pics and bows on the walls...I am still waiting on some minnie bits for it but so far so good...the blaqck wall is a huge magnetic blackboard for her :)

Aimee riding her balance bike :) she is doing so well!!!  we are so pleased with her.  she handles the bike really well and we hope that it will help strengthan her right side :) ( scuse my voice lol ) the video was shot at a place called Heartlands in cornwall where i live

rememberings and ramblings

this May 11th me and Scott celebrated our 12yr anniversary. What a 12yrs it has been on the huge roller coaster that has been our lives!!

Not long after we met my mum and scotts dad were both diagnosed with cancer.  My mum was told pretty early on that hers was in-operable.  I t is a horrible thing watching your mum disintegrate right befor your eyes...my mum was 4ft6ish yet she acted like she was 10ft! she was such a busy person and loved walking the dog etc...all that stopped...even washing her hair became a struggle and i helped her to do it....something so mundane that we take doing for granted  made my mum feel human and alive she said.  Do i regret anything....yes ...i wish i spent more time with her rather than hiding from it...i wish i took the time to just sit with her...i am so glad that she got to see my first daughter and spend 4mths in her life...

A year or so after we met i fell pregnant.  We were both excited and although we had been planning to get married the following year we decided to tie the not as soon as we could.  That way his dad and my mum would be at our wedding.  The date was set may 11th ..i was so excited me and my mum went dress shopping for me and her ( i ended up wearing a skirt suit ..i regret that!).  Everything was going great....then the first turn in the roller coaster appeared...sadly scotts grandfather passed away and his funeral was to be held the day before our wedding.  It was a very sad time and we said that we would cancel the wedding and re set a new date...it was finally decided that no a wedding was needed..something to celebrate not mourn.  Then the second turn appeared...my mum was having problems with bloating as the cancer spread and 2 days befor the wedding she was in hospital with a stomach drain in to try to get the swelling to go down.

The day of my  wedding was here and although still sad from the day before...i woke up excited and very nervous...i had my first bout of morning/nervous sickness and then i couldn't think anymore as people arrived with flowers, cake and then the hairdresser arrived...finally i was ready and we went...the service was lovely and an hr after we got there i was now a Mrs...WOW!!!

3 months later in the August we were once again attending a funeral...this time for scott's dad.  he was a wonderful man and i wish he had gotten to meet his grandchildren...he would have adored them and they would have adored him..i really hope that he watches over them.

2 months after scotts dad passed Poppy was born...she was perfect.  My mum simply adored her.  I am so pleased she got to 4 months in poppy's life, at the same time i felt awful for scott as he so wanted his dad to have a chance to meet her.

4 months after Poppy arrived my mum passed away in a hospice with me and my dad holding her hand.  One of the hardest things i have ever done was sit there and watch as my mum took her final breath..i remember watching and willing her to breath again...but it never came.  When i finally looked at her face it was so beautifull...she looked so serene and pain free it was amazing, she looked asleep...she looked like my mum...the cancer had taken it's toll and while my mum was with us she looked so gaunt and frail and old..not like my mum at all...but when she went it was like a peacefulness had come over her.

in 2005 Holly was born ..i had holly via a vbac birth and it was amazing...i was told the day before induction that i had strep-b and would need anti-biotics.  i had the antibiotics but unfortunately we found out at 10 days old that Holly had caught the infection and she was seriously ill...she was in hospital for about a week and on very high antibiotics and we finally were able to go home.

2010 after 3 mc's i fell pregnant again.  I was extremley ill with the pregnancy and had sever hyperemisis gravidarum...many people see this and go " it is only morning sickness" ..please let me explain hg isn't just morning sickness it is a debilitating illness that nocks you for six...i had no energy i couldn't eat i couldn't drink...at one point i couldn't even swallow my own spit...i was hospitalised 5 times 3-4 days at a time on drips and anti sickness meds...none worked.  I was finally on my last visit given a drug called Ondanzatron...it is used for people having chemo as an anti sickness drug and is extremely expensive ( £20 per tablet or something) it was like a miracle drug to me...i still had to watch what i ate and i could sip at water ..i lost just over 3 stone during the pregnancy.  Finally labour started and i went to hospital..i had to have anti-bi's for strep b again...then everything went horribly wrong ....Aimee's heartbeat stopped and i was rushed to theatre for ac sec where they put you out cold....poor scott was just left standing in the room as i was wheeled away...the dr thought that she would be delivering an angel i think and decided i needed my husband with me as had gone through enough and decided to do the c sec under a spinal...she got Aimee out and it took them almost 2mins to revive her...was a very scary time for us.  Aimee started to have siezures at a day old and had just come back to ma after being in scbu...she was rushed back down to scbu and a cap on her head...was 3 needles that were inserted into her head to measure brain activity.
After an MRI we found out that Aimee had suffered a stroke just before birth...we were in total shock.....we went home and tried to carry on as normal..at 1yr 6mths Aimee was diagnosed with mild cerberal palsy...she is doing great...at 3yrs old she is a handfull but i wouldn't change her for the world.

That's our 12yr journey summed up in a few sentences...it has been difficult, terrifying and so sad at times...but it has also been amazing and magical at times aswell....

I wanted to post a few photos :) these photos are of the 4 most important people in my life :) ( i am in one or 2 i apologise haha )

mummy and her gorgeous girlies xx

Poppy, Holly and Aimee xxxx

Daddy and his girls xx the most important people in my life xx

me and Aimee a few days ago xx my girly is getting big!!

slacker!!

I have been really bad in keeping this blog updated :S...things happen and i go off on a tangent and forget!

since I last posted  Aimee is still sleeping badly and ends up in my room most nights, it is a very effective contraceptive!!

She has started nursery in the Child Development Centre near us on a Monday and Tuesday and she loves it.  She is doing amazingly well and although they have seen a few teasy moments all in all she has ben fab!  We are being refered to the OT's as they think some of her problems are sensory, and hopefully sensory play will help with some of the aggression and anger.

Poppy is being a typical 11yr old and knows everything!! She has become a lot more confident and is playing netball and she has even auditioned for the part of Sandy in Grease...it is the yr 6 musical this year...then my little girl will be in big school and not so little anymore.  We have started to let her do more on her own..she goes to play at her nans on her own and she goes into town to the sweet shop on her own....I feel sick to my stomach everytime, if i could i would sooooo be a spy follwing behind, hiding in dark shadows just watching to make sure she stays safe.  Everyone says i need to let go but it is so hard..I just want to protect my girl and this letting go lark is horrible...they are of course right as she will be walking to and from school on her own :s

Holly is doing great.  She is also doing netball and even got a basket the other day ....yayyyyy!!!  she has also taken up yukalaylee playing :s  great for her...not so great for us when she practices...i can honestly say  her rendition of lion sleeps tonight is something to behold!!

The newest thing with both my older girls is BOYS!...but that is a subject for another day!!!

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I havn't written for a while i have had the flu spread like wildfire through my house :s

touch wood everyone seems to be ok now.  Aimee has been good apart from the sleeping.  Me and scott have probably spent the grand total of 4 nights together in the same bed all night :s
My mother in law has the older 2 after school today so i have bought a nice meal for me and scott :) some steak, mash and asparagus :) hopefully it will be yummy

Thursday 07/02/2013

well it is official i am an idiot....I wrote something on my main page on facebook that was meant for a private group...i think i realised in time and got rid before anyone saw it :s  could be very embarassing other wise haha.

We had another eventfull night with Aimee.  Will me and Scott ever get to spend a whole night in bed together again???? 
Scott took the older 2 to school and i managed to sleep in with madam till 10.30.  we then got into our routine and had brekky...watched some tv and played with the dolls house.  I then had to print a picture that needed posting..it should have been done on wednesday but i had a printer malfunction...not good i hate letting people down especially people that  pay :( hopefully the lady will be happy with it.  i always worry when i make something for someone..what if they think it is rubbish :s a

The girls went to my mother in laws for tea so was just me and scott for dinner, i made chicken curry and rice ...was lovely, maybe just a tad hot.  is good for me as i hate cooking, i tend to burn everything as i am afraid of poisoning people!!

sitting here writing this everyone is in bed and asleep it is a miracle! i am going to watch some fringe and have a cuppa and chocolate.  Then it will be time to go to bed and it will all start again :s

Wednesday 06/02/2013

Well last nights bed time was unsucessfull yet again.  Aimee went to bed ok but was up at 1am in my room again..poor scott once again went in Aimee's bed :S it seems like we never get a full night to sleep in the same bed together.  Poppy has gotten to the age where she knows everything, i know nothing, she constantly hates me etc...a proper kevin :S.  i think she is on the verge of puperty and her hormomes are sky rocketing.  Me and poppy are like carbon copies of each other...she looks like me, has my personality and temper unfortunatly.  we clash big time and i am so scared that we will be destined to fall out and not get on for ever more.  Some of it is my fault, my paitience level is non existant...i really need to be more empathetic to wards my kids :s because i was left to it growing up i am doing it to my kids and that is not right!!!!  I am also a do it later sort of girl...which when you have 5 people in the house is  not the attitude to have....my washing is ridiculous and i am struggling to catch up...i have days when i blitz and go mad and then i have days when i just don't do anything.  I suffer from depression and i don't think that helps much, i also have mild ocd issues with things:S I am 50 shades of screwed up just without the bondage :P.  i make a point of tellinjg my girls and scott everyday that i love them..i never had this growing up and i think it makes a difference. 

Poppy is my 11yr old ..my little madam :) she has had a few issues in the past with bullying...which included glue in her hair, cuts on her face etc not nice stuff...thankfully it doesn't go on anymore but the damage is done.  She has very low self esteem and is very nervous, she cries at the drop of a hat and takes everything to heart.  We saw consultants last year as we worried that she was always ill :S we found out that she has small panick attacks and suffers from anxiety.  She is slowly getting better and i am glad to see she has some fire in her again ( although the arguing is tiring)

Holly 8yrs is a little miss attitude...far too pretty and clever for her own good hehe.....she has a new boyfriend every 2 days !!!!  she is doing great but  has a really bad jelousy issue. There are 5yrs between Aimee and Holly and Holly hasn't ajusted well at all, she was so used to being the baby in the family that when Aimee came along i guess she lost her place for a bit...she is slowly starting to find it again but it is a longggg road :S we really tried to not have the middle child syndrome thing happen.

Aimee is doing amazing...considering the changes on her brain and her issues she is is amazing.  She has the behaviour problems but hopefully as she gets older we can help her controll it :)
she is very much a mummy's girl!

When i look around me at the girls i do think .."am i giving them all enough attention.." honestly i don't think i am.  i sit here almost in tears typing that and admitting it to myself for the first  time!    I really need to spend 1 on 1 time with poppy and holly...we need that time together and i am realising it now...it will get better and we will be fine :).....

reflections

A pretty stress free day so far.  We have had a couple of melt downs but they ended quickly. 

I was sitting here on the laptop and looking through my facebook profile and i came to friends section ...who are all these people...some i don't know i have just purchased items from them...some i went to school with and some of those friends wernt actually " friends" in school.  some i have and i don't even see anymore but wish i did.....how things change in life.  Having my girls is amazing and i wouldn't be on this earth without them but i do sometimes wander, where would i be today if i didn't have them...what would me and scott be doing?  did fate step in?  Scott is my soul mate and i honestly don't think there is anyone lese out there for me ( ewww i know hehe).

I seriously need to get my butt in gear and start decorating my house this year aswell.  We moved in 5yrs ago and havn't really done anything but paint :S....i must go and cook tea

Tea is all done :) a  pretty mess free meal today :).  Scott came in from work and made burgers with fries and burger sauce...was yummy!!
Tomorrow is pay day and i really must sort out a meal plan of sorts so that i dont overspend...something i tend to do every week!

hmmmmm...best start trawling google for ideas!

my gorgeous hubby and girls xxxx my life x

 

hehe me in my birthday onsie and slippers from my girls

 

Holly making her brownie promise...proud mummy moment

 

my gorgeous boy Elvis he is lurcher x labrador

 

Scott posing with George pig hehe

 

The gorgeous miss Aimee posing in the Dribble bib i made...she looks so grown up!

 

my 3 gorgeous ladies Poppy, Holly and Aimee love them to bits xxxxx

Tuesday 05/02/2013

Sleep deprivation is cruel and unkind :S Aimee is wide awake while the rest of us are like zombies.  Her condition means she can have sleep issues...and boy does she!!!  she went to bed last night at 8pm and settled well...the other 2 being older are allowed to stay up till 8.30, in that time we hope Aims gets to sleep lol...well she did, but sadly at 10pm she woke up :s that was the start of a long night.  It is very sureal sitting at 10pm at night and watching her just running in circles on the rug.  she is so tired that she is dragging her right foot and falling but she doesn't slow down when tired...she gets super hyperactive and is like a child possessed.  at 12am we decided that we had to try to get her to sleep we went upstairs and put her in her bed ( she wasn't amused) and scott sang her a song and then said good night....luckily she  drifted off and stayed asleep till 8am this morning...that is a good night for Aimee.  I think all the days of hardly any sleep are catching up to me :s 
i love her to pieces and she is gorgeous but it can be really hard work sometimes.  she is currently watching jungle junction eating some crisps.  it is nice and calm...for the moment.
I just want one day when i can go to the loo on my, or have a bath without having to have an audience...it is the little things you miss most.
Potty training is going well...she took her nappy off herself earlier and went and got her potty to go on :) very proud moment!  her imaginative play is getting better aswell :) she is starting to play with her dolls house and dolls rather than just throw them around the room.  her speech is still not quite there but it is definiteley getting better :) i am so proud of my little girl she is such a little trooper and fighter xx

Monday 04/02/2013

Today has been a good day.  Scott took Poppy and Holly to breakfast club before school and Aimee slept in till 9.30!  We have been having issues with sleep at the minute and poor Scott once again had to sleep in Aimee's room as she decided she had to be in with me.  We got up had breakfast without any major melt downs and then i put Mickey Mouse on the the tv for her.  She loves Mickey and Minnie.  this kept her quiet for 20mins...then she saw Holly's moshi monster collection...que me wrestling with her to save them, and first melt down, kicking, screaming and shouting at me....finally managed to calm her down with a bribe of crisps :s.  sat down for lunch and that went without any major issues. 
curently Aimee is sitting colouring in..this seems to be one of the only things that calms her right down, she loves to draw and colour in.

time to get ready soon and do the school run! hopefully not next major meltdown

My  daughter Aimee is 2yrs10mths old.  She suffered a stroke at birth and as a result has Cerberal Palsy in the form of Right Hemiplegia.  She is an amazing little girl and teaches me new things every day.  Aswell as CP Aimee also has siezures and is mild epileptic and also has behavioural issues.  she can be such a loveing child...but she can also be the devil lol.  I have decided to write this blogg as a way of keeping a diary of how life is with the whirlwind that is Aimee.

I have 2 other girls aswell Poppy 11yrs and Holly 8yrs both amazing and both put up with a lot!